Disclaimer

Here's a disclaimer I wrote for a website after somebody thought that the Colorado Beureau of Investigation might take umbrage... some thought it was brilliant. You decide.

ATTENTION CBI!
This forum is populated entirely by people that are entirely full of shit and you should not believe that anything posted here in off topic is in the least bit serious. For example, none of us are gay or engage in perverted wookie-like sex orgies with each other or actually do anything to or with Cam's Mom. We don't advocate violence except against Furbies and Tickle-Me-Elmos, nor do we advocate the overthrow of anything except maybe Barton. If you don't believe us, just read the whole the entire off topic area. If you don't get too sick, you'll see that we're just a buch of shit-talking, stuck-up, self-important, ignorant, arrogant, stupid noobs who wouldn't really harm anything except each other's self esteem... if indeed we had any in the first place. Thank you for snooping around in this forum instead of catching real rapists, drug smugglers, and human trafickers and have a nice day.

Lucky Charms II: It's Bush's fault.

Washington, D.C. 28 Feb, 2006. The White House Press Room.

Dozens of reporters packed into the room, all shouting questions and behaving like a bunch of third-graders... all except one. One simply stood in the back corner, looking coldly at anyone within ten feet of her and threatening bodily harm to anyone who passed within three.
A hush descended over the room, though, as the Press Secretary stepped away from the podium and The President strode in, muching handfulls of Lucky Charms from a box tucked under his arm.
"What?" He asked the crowd as they gawked. "They're magically delicious!"

"Mr. President," a reporter whined, "How are we to believe that you had nothing to do with the missing Lucky Charms when YOU ARE EATING THEM IN FRONT OF US?"

"I'd like to take this time to address these rumors coming from the press," said Bush. "But for once, this is no rumor."

All the reporters present were stunned... all but one, of course.

"Early last week, I ordered the Dirty Mercs into Ireland to secure and remove all of their stockpiles of Lucky Charms. However, being mercs, they would not follow my orders. So, I paid them. Well, I had Scotty here pay them, but anyway, after they got paid, they were more than happy to go over there and deprive... I mean secure the Lucky Charms."

Most of the reporters immediately wanted to know why the President had done such a cold blooded thing, but one... you all know who... being Russian, had a more relavent question:
"Mister Prezident, what Irish do to deserve this? Also, why they not glowing from strom of nuclear missiles?

"Well Katrina," he said with a smirk, "They had their chance. I told them to do something about those musical terrorists known as Coldplay... but they would not listen. I had no choice but to take something from them that they could not live without. Nook-you-ler attacks were never part of the strategery"

Some stupid American reporter interupted, saying "Coldplay's from London, dumbass!"

Now the President looked stunned. He looked down and leaned on the podium, looking really confused and sad.

"Really? Um, I did not know that... Must have some bad intel. Well, uh, hmmm... I guess I better fix it then!"

"Mister Prezident, if you need Coldplay... out of pikture... you could hire Dirty Mercs to kill them, no?"

"That's a good idea, Katrina, but think of this. Those Dirty Mercs are kinda gay sometimes, you know how I know? They listen to Coldplay. I couldn't trust 'em to do something like that that."

The President stood up tall and addressed the whole room.
"Thank you folks for setting me straight. I'm sorry I picked on the Irish 'cause of yet another crappy British band and I'm REALLY sorry that I took all their Lucky Charms. I'll call the Dirty Mercs right now and have them put 'em all back where they belong... 'cept this box of course... I kinda opened it already."

Katrina bolted from the pressroom and sought out a private alcove. After looking around to make sure that nobody was watching, she drew her cell phone and dialed. All she said was, "Yeah... he mess up. You're on now. Is up to you."

Lucky Charms I: The mystery of the missing cereal.

Lucky Charms Shortage Devastates The Emerald Isle!

Dublin, Ireland. February 20th, 2006. By Katrina Maria Kalashnikova

Panic began to set in today as Ireland faces the seventh straight day without Lucky Charms. Opinions vary about how the Lucky Charms disappeared, but the Irish are united in their belief that unless they can resore the supply, that they are all doomed.

Riots are breaking out all over the country causing even more chaos than the massive, global, over-reaction to Danish satire. These riots are not expected to last long, though: without Lucky Charms, an Irishman can only survive a few days. Millions could perish in a matter of hours.

Children are starving, unable even to attend school after the week long deprivation. Mothers are at wit's end. "I just don't know what to do," said Molly Alvarez. "I thought that I could count on the government to gaurantee the supply. I always thought that the Lucky Charms would be there."

Others, however blame the government. Lucky the Elf said in an interview Sunday, "They're always after me lucky charms... Well this time, they finally got them! Stop the coverup and give 'em back! Do it for the children!"

Dublin denies any part in the shortage, caliming that the most likely reasons are something that George Bush did or something that George Bush did because of Cam's mom. They also say that there is a really good chance that Haliburton took them so Dick Cheney would have something to torture innocent terrorists with.

Even in such desparate times, there is hope. The Dirty Mercs have kindly volunteered to stop telling gay jokes and instead investigate the crippling shortage. If they succeed, the St. Patrick's Day holiday will be lengthened by six days, those days used to celebrate the Dirty Mercs and their heroic deeds. Dirty Mercs spokesman Steve has been quoted as saying, "It is a tragedy that children anywhere would be deprived of their lucky charms. Who ever did this is dead. DEAD, I TELL YOU!"
He was then seen breaking into the home of Michael Moore with a pair of huge pistols in his hands. When he came out, I asked him if he had solved the case.
"No," he said,"but I always wanted to do that. NOW I'll go solve the case and bring joy back into the hearts of all Irish children."

-KMK

Spring Mayhem

Ongoing Projects:
1. Cyruski's OTs-14 Groza GBB project (5% complete).
2. Finding some decent away games.
3. Convincing Mirage to stop being such a hippy.

See... we are actually doing stuff.
Oh, yeah... we also are doing some comedy as usual, but since I learned to write,you can actually read it. It's all over at the COASG forum, but I'll cross post to be nice.

The Much Awaited Update!

We discovered, much to our horror, that people (you know, those two legged critters with an obsession for shiny things) actually read this blog. Yes, I know, I was shocked as well. Furthermore, some of the people that read this blog complained that we never update it. So, here's the freakin' update!

The halloween game was cool. We tested a new scenario involving radomly scattered teams. It worked well, but since most players in this state can't add or understand sign/countersign, the confusion level was greater than intended. Mirage didn't make the game because he had a gender identity crisis had to work, or so he claimed. There were two people who went as Jayne, though...

In December, we had a game that went horribly wrong. One of our glorious comrades had a gun stolen from him. It was a crappy gun, but we all loved it. But, yeah, some kid just drove off with it.

That brings us to now. We are back doing OPFOR for COASG, having just helped out at Hoobs' AWESOME team scenario game. Props to him for the sweet looking SAM prop!

Drive and Bullet are still under the weather, we hope they can get out and play soon... especially with the impending departure of, well, me. I have no idea what became of simple, he has not shown up in a while. However, I love our noobs new team memebers and they make up for him not being here.


Photos of our recent exploits to follow.

P.S.: I'm not much for updates in the winter. Not only am I lazy, but I have drinking and/or snowboarding to attend to in these colder times.
P.P.S.: BARTON!

Scandal Rocks the Dirty Mercs!

MERCweb NEWS
25 October, Aurora, CO. By Katrina Maria Kalashnikova.

For some time, rumors have been circulating about the tragic guac addiction of one of the Dirty Mercs' finest, Cyrus 'dirty rotten AK-whorin' communist bastard' Freeman. Recently, he OD'd on guac at a Grateful Dead concert. Ever since, he's been showing odd behavior, including, rumor has it, using Armalites and other western guns. Our sneak rat bastard papparazzi reporters have confirmed this:

The really tagic part is, as you can see, he's dragging Steve 'wonton masta mic rula' Pooley down with him. Are all the Dirty Mercs on guac? Is this the reason for thei unnatural powers? Worse yet, are they guac dealers, or have they fallen in with a Mexican Guac cartel?

"I always thought they were a good example for my kids," South African warlord Mbengwe Bungalowa said. "but I can't have them thinking that it's cool to do guac. We need wholesome role models in the mercenary community."
Many mercenary parents feel the same way and are calling for the Dirty mercs to come clean and burn their Armalites. Lucinda Basset, a mercenary mother of five from Idaho, has established the Front Against Guac Political Action Committee (FAGPAC) to help combat guac addiction and the tragedy it causes in the mercenary community.
Cam 'kill the bird i think it moved' DeRoin, who has also been accused of having a French name, says it's no big deal. "When I was in Nam, we all did guac to take the edge off, you know? I'm not proud of it, man, but we did what we had to.We still do, but we can stop anytime..."

This certainly is a serious development, and it goes to show that guac is a problem here and now, not of some far-away third world country. Rest asured that there will be full investigation and exposé. We'll see if the Dirty Mercs are really Mercs... or just Dirty.-KMK

02oct game

We attended our buddy Scott's game just yesterday. This was a COASG game and a lot of the problems we had with them were well on there way to getting fixed. After taking a vote among ourselves we decieded to continue to attend certain games that are held by COASG while still having our own and trying to have some of them come out to our favorite field. Besides making some nice mistakes from fatigue the game was good for me and the DM, HK, LW team combo owned the day. I was rather impressed with the growth of some players, this will make me start to work harder in the future. In a couple days look for an update in the way of members, 3 new ones to brag about.

A change of plans and stuff

Well...We have change our game this weekend to go to the game of an old friend. This game should be a smash. From the RSVPs there will be quite a few in attendance which gives us a great opportunity to put our guns through the paces. Time to break out the face paint and walk softly. Until next time,
Mirage

Recent activities, Upcoming activites

In recent days, we have decided that we really don't like COASG that much because they are becoming too legalistic and because either they or the people they attract are making the game something other than fun.

Our solution has been to simply start inviting people to our own games. So far, it's been a smashing success. Though the first game was tiny, subsequent ones have been getting bigger as more people who have not played in while get sucked back in. We are seeing fun games again and we have had very few problems with cheating. Yesterdays game had zero problems! It's great.

I'm even more pleased to say that nearly half the people playing yesterday had AK's! ...and none of the AK's broke... unlike the Armalites!

So, if you want some fun, especially if you have an AK, get in touch with us! Our next game is October 2 at Dragon Man's. Two weeks after that, we are looking at a 1.5 day game up in the Rampart Range, then the October 30th Halloween game, also at Dragon Man's.
Leave a comment if you are interested.